Marlies goes China

China’s orphans and their lost childhood stories

Mliesie — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 09:53:13 +0000

Reading the China Daily online, I came across the following article. With my recent involvement with the Yulin Welfare Institute, orphans, abandoned children and adopted children, I couldn’t but place this story on my blog.Â It’s the story of many adoptive parents as well as their adopted children……….

At about 10 am on June 19, 2003, in the western Chinese city of Wuwei, a man named Ma Guoxing was walking across town, intent on a pending business appointment.

But as he neared the Wei’an Health Center, he noticed a crowd of people at the front gate, and he interrupted his journey to go and see what had so captivated their interest.

On the ground was a newborn baby, a girl, crying loudly.

Ma Guoxing did what no one else would do: He reached down and picked up the child. Then he turned around and began to walk back the way he had come, the baby in his arms.

Before I knew there was a man named Ma Guoxing, I imagined his existence.

I wondered what heÂ – or sheÂ – might look like, whether he was married or single, had children or not. Most of all I yearned to know the secrets that he, alone among millions in China, held within himself.

That sort of longing is common to people like me, the American parents of Chinese children. Some 62,000 kids, almost all of them girls, have been adopted into new homes in this country since the early 1990s. But where American-born children routinely have baby photos and bronzed booties, these girls have blank spots.

Abandoned by Chinese parents barred from having “extra” children, the girls arrive with no record of their family origins. The most basic information about their beginningsÂ - day of birth, hour of birthÂ - is usually unknown and unknowable. So the girls’ American parents long to know the next best thingÂ – the facts of their daughter’s discovery, details beyond the generalities of date and place. They want to be able to tell their children the name of the person who found them. Whether it was on a particular bench inside a train station, or beside a certain statue outside in a park. If it was hot or cold, sunny or raining, day or night.

Yet these details often pass unrecorded, meaningless to administrators running a Chinese welfare system awash in baby girls. For instance, for my eldest daughter, Jin Yu, the official account of her discovery runs six words: Found in Guangxin Alley, Aug. 5, 2000.

That’s all. And that’s typical.

So in 2004, when my wife and I arrived in Gansu Province to adopt our second daughter, Zhao Gu, we were shocked to find two bits of tantalizing informationÂ - one a hope, the other a mysteryÂ - embedded in the paperwork.

The hope was contained in three Chinese characters: A name. Supposedly that of the man who found our child. It sounded like he worked at the local orphanage, but the translation was rough. Was he truly the person who discovered our baby? Or was he merely the worker sent to retrieve her, after she was discovered by others?

When we returned home, I wrote to officials in China, and I wishedÂ – that this man was who he appeared to be, that I could find a way to contact him, somehow pierce the walls of distance and language. That my new daughter could learn the precise circumstances of the most momentous day of her life. That against a backdrop of loss and anonymity, she could grow up knowing there was someone in her homeland who could honestly say, “I remember you.”

Two things happened that felt a lot like fate.

The first was the arrival of an official-looking letter from China. It bore no signature. It said: Yes, the man about whom you inquired, Ma Guoxing, is employed at the Wuwei Social Welfare Institute. And, no, he was not sent to recover the baby. He was the person who found her.

The second was the arrival at my newspaper of a Chinese reporter named Sunny Hu. Sunny was as bright and cheerful as her name, full of enigmatic Eastern idioms, come from the Shanghai Star to study American journalism. When I told her I had confirmed the name and workplace of the man who found my youngest child, she offered a forthright Western response: “Let’s call him up.”

We wait until night to telephone, because of the 12-hour time difference. The number I have for the orphanage is wrong. We dial again, reaching people who have no idea why we’re calling. Eventually we get through to the orphanage, and Ma Guoxing’s co-workers, who tell us he’s off. Then we reach his wife, who says he’s out. Finally we reach his daughterÂ – who provides his cellphone number.

“It’s ringing,” Sunny says, adjusting the mouthpiece on her headset.

She begins to speak in Mandarin, then turns to me and nodsÂ – it’s him.

Sunny laughs, her voice light. I think, This is good. Ma Guoxing is not annoyed that we’ve called his personal line. He does not insist we obtain official permission to speak with him, or refer us to some faceless government functionary. He’s happy to chat.

Sunny starts into my list of my questions, saying “Oh â€¦” and “Ah â€¦,” listening more than talking, scribbling down every word, the how and when and where of my daughter’s discovery. I feel like I am watching the opening of a lost crypt, that buried secrets are about to be revealed. China has 1.3 billion people, but only one of them found my baby on the street, and now he is on the phone.

I hear Sunny say, “baba,” meaning, “daddy.” She hands me the headset.

I speak only English. Ma Guoxing speaks only Mandarin. But I want to hear his voice, and I want him to hear mine. I need to say the words: Thank you. Thank you for holding my baby close when she was alone, for taking her to a place where she would be safe, for helping her when I was not there to help her.

“Hello?” I say. My mouth has gone dry. “Ni hao?”

“Ni hao,” he answers.

Ma Guoxing’s voice is strong and deep.

I say, “I want to tell you how much I appreciate what you did. I want to tell you how much it means and”Â – and I am unable to go on.

He says something in Chinese. He must think the line has gone dead. I’m afraid he will hang up, that this man, this ghost, will slip back into the shadows.

“I am so grateful,” I manage.

“Xie xie,” Sunny whispers to me. Thank you.

“Xie xie, xie xie,” I say.

Sunny takes the phone.

Ma Guoxing says the child was swathed in a blanket. Tucked inside the wrap was a baby bottle and some formula. The girl was crying so loud! He remembers that clearly. He says the authorities tried very hard to find her Chinese parents, publicizing her discovery in the newspaper and even on radio and TV. No one came forward.

He tells us about his trek across town, how he noticed the crowd outside the clinic. He answers every question. After nearly half an hour, he has told us all he knows, and Sunny begins to say our goodbyes. But Ma Guoxing is not ready to go. Not yet. It turns out, he has long wondered about the baby he found by the gate. It has nagged at him, how he has been cut off from the story of her futureÂ – as fully as I have been blocked from the story of her past.

Now Ma Guoxing has questions of his own: Where is the girl living? Is she well? Is she healthy?

Sunny tells him: The child is well indeed. She is living in the United States, near Philadelphia, and she wants for nothing. Her parents and big sister love her very much.

Ma Guoxing says he would like photos to be sent to him. And if the child should someday travel to China, he would welcome her to visit his home. He will tell her in person about the day their lives intersected on a Wuwei street.

Ma Guoxing stepped away from the health-center gate, the newborn baby light in his arms.

He carried her to the local orphanage, where she was given a name — the surname of Wu, for the city of Wuwei, and a first name of Zhao Gu, meaning, â€œNew beginning, beautiful girl.â€ She was laid down to sleep in a crib beside three other baby girls.

Almost exactly a year later, on a sunlit June morning, little Zhao Gu was bathed in a gray metal basin, then dressed in new clothes of blue. She was driven miles out of Wuwei, across central Gansu Province to the capital city of Lanzhou. A hotel elevator lifted her high to an upper-floor conference room, and there she was placed in the arms of her new parents.

If Ma Guoxing had been there, he would have recognized her cry.

Courtesy of NY Times and China Daily online

Speechless….

Mliesie — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:44:44 +0000

Tuesday morning 18 June.

2 Students are missing in my class and nobody knows where they are. Suddenly, during the short break, they come in to the classroom and they do not look happy…. They were out by the reservoir since 6 o’clock this morning; why? I can’t believe what they tell me next,Â 2 boys, sophomoresÂ from the English Department, drowned there.Â A third one couldn’t swim and was therefore unable to rescue them… I really don’t know what to say, I’m speechless……

After we move to another classroom, I ask my class if they want to continue or talk about it. They decide they want to continue class, it will take their mind off things. As I cannot let this pass by without saying anything, I feel the need to somewhat comfort them, tell them it’s okay to be sad, its’ okay to cry but also tell them that they should take this as a warning. Don’t go swimming if you cannot swim! It’s something I’ve had so many discussions about with SC and some other students. They tell me stories about students who have drowned in the reservoir, even though they could swim. When I ask them what happened, the situation doesn’t seemÂ serious enough for an avid swimmer to drown and that’s just the problem…..many of them think thay can swim whereas they can’t!! No one here has ever had swimming lessons, no money, no need, as long as you can keep your head above water or just stay out of the water. But then you go to College and it is so hot and dry and the water in the reservoir is so tempting and your friends are with you………

After class I had a talk with ‘my’ 2 boys, they were completely overwhelmed by what had happened. What worried me most though, was that they were called in by the College to go to the reservoir, together with some monitors, the class teacher, the vice-dean and the dean to help with getting the boys out of the water! What is the College thinking?! That’s not THEIR job, that should be done by the police or God knows who, but not by College boys. It’s traumatic enough to hear that your friends, classmates, or whatever they were to them have drowned. You shouldn’t have to watch their dead bodies and help getting them out! You should get the opportunity to talk about it, with other students or a councellor, but NO! I am worried about them, I tell them they can always come to me and talk about it or that they should find someone else to talk to IF they feel the need. I wonder……..

Meanwhile, the College has to pay big bucks to the parents because they are responsible. I ask HM if there will be a memorial for the students, but it seems that that is not done. It would probably do harm to the College (more the opposite in Holland I guess) and that is something we do not want to happen. So far, none of the colleagues (except for 1), the vice-dean, the dean or even my waiban talk about what has happened. All I know, I have heard from my students and only for about a day or 3. After that it seems the world has gone silent and the boys are forgotten……..

Many things about the above have made me sad and angry and have raised questions with me. Perhaps I should start giving swimming lessons, although I do not think the College will let me do that in the reservoir. Maybe just promoting swimming lessons would already be a good thing. Perhaps I should ask the College whether or not they have written in the school regulations that students are not allowed to swim in the reservoir, in that way the parents cannot claim money. Perhaps I should ask the College whether or not they are insured for ‘accidents’ like this, but maybe that’s so very Dutch…. Perhaps I should try to talk to my students about this after summer holiday and have them write down their feelings or a goodbye letter or whatever they want to write about this, this……’accident’. Perhaps I should let go and accept the way they handle this at our College, but that is so not me. Perhaps……….

The Beijing Olympics & Chinese behaviour…….

Mliesie — Thu, 24 May 2007 10:21:38 +0000

In the online ‘China Daily’, I read the following article:

China targets bad tourist behavior ahead of OlympicsÂ Â Â

Â

For Chinese who habitually travel during the weeklong May Day holiday, they may find this year’s itinerary involves as much etiquette education as sightseeing, delicious food and shopping.Â “On our first day in Beijing, we were repeatedly told by the tour guide not to litter and spit and given pamphlets about what to do and what not to do,” said Luan Hong, a tourist from southeast China’s Fujian province.Â Posters telling travelers how to behave appear in almost every train station, bus stop, hotel and scenic spot. “We are treated like little kids,” Luan said.Â Tourists’ grumbles mean little to officials who are anxious to correct the embarrassing habits of Chinese travelers ahead of next year’s Olympics Games. And there is no better opportunity of doing it than the May Day travel spree, when an estimated 150 million Chinese will be on the road.Â

The China National Tourism Administration has issued a circular, making travel agencies and tour guides responsible for correcting tourists’ bad behavior during the holidays.Â Jumping the line, spitting, littering and clearing one’s throat loudly in public are some of the frequently observed practices among Chinese travelers, according to a guideline prepared and released last year by the Spiritual Civilization Steering Committee (SCSC) of the Chinese Communist Party, the official etiquette watchdog.Â “We are supposed to remind people constantly throughout the tour, and also lead an etiquette discussion at the end of the tour,” said Huang Xiaohui, a tour guide with a Beijing-based travel agency.Â “The Olympics are coming, and we don’t want to get disgraced,” Huang said, summing up the purpose succinctly.Â

Beijing expects to receive 550,000 foreign tourists during the Olympics and an estimated 2 million domestic tourists will also visit the capital city.Â “Promoting civilized behaviors among Chinese travelers is a long-term task. To harvest short-term results before the games, we need to focus our resources on the main problems,” said Zhai Weihua, SCSC deputy director.Â “Tens of thousands of reporters will come to China to cover the Games next year, which means both China’s positive and negative sides will be amplified. Once bad impressions are made, they last, ” Zhai said.Â “That’s why we should grab the opportunity to change uncouth behavior,” said Wu Jianmin, President of China Foreign Affairs University, in a TV interview.Â

The Olympics are now only about 450 days away.Â This is only one of the many articles about the Beijing Olympics, one can read in the newspapers nowadays. The Chinese government really wants to make a good impression on all the foreigners visiting China, next year and thereafter….. In cities like Beijing, HongKong, Shangai, Xi’an and so on, I think they will succeed. But when I walk the streets of Yulin, many of the habits described above occur everywhere around me. It could just be the people in the North, it could just be that most of the people here are actually peasants, it could be that the people here represent the real spirit of China, Â it could also be that they really do not care. Let’s just wait and see what happens in 2008.

World Aids Day

Mliesie — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 09:05:17 +0000

Last Friday, 1 December, it was World Aids Day. Ofcourse our department had also organised various events and Ellie has been training some volunteers from the English department to become future trainers a.k.a. peer trainers. It’s unbelieveable, that VSO has been in Yulin for over 11 years and this is the first year that we’ve, oops, sorry, that Ellie, has trained a peer group. Kate and I taught our first and second graders various things about HIV/Aids in their Oral classes. An interesting experience I must admit…..

Anyway, the volunteer group had already done an event in town on the big town square just after Mid-Autumn holiday, as it would be too cold to do it on the 1st of December. They handed out information leaflets, had a big cloth signed by as many people as possible, sold Red Ribbons and showed a movie on a huge screen. Local television came to interview as well as the Yulin Daily Newspaper!

Last week some other events were organised, such as a bonfire and lighting candles, a human Red Ribbon, ofcourse a stand where the volunteers informed students, teachers and passers-by, a special ceremony in which the best volunteers were praised and received a certificate and a Karaoke party (yes!) to round it all up. Some of the events were well attended, others less. Many people still think it’s none of ther business or not something they should be concerned about….unfortunately. Perhaps because in this area, there are so few known cases of people with HIV/Aids. Henan province has many HIV/Aids victims due to blood donation and the south-west of China also has many victims, mainly due to unsafe sex. It is said that over 50% of the HIV/Aids cases in China nowadays, areÂ amongst sex-workers due to unsafe sex, many other cases are due to sharing needles (drug users). Something people don’t seem to realise that Aids in China is mainly due to TB. The latter is a serious problem all over China; in our college all the first graders were medically tested when they entered the new term and almost all of them had TB! We are fortunate not to have (?) HIV infected people in this area, but just think about what goes on in other parts of China. Not only should we (VSO volunteers and other HIV/Aids trainers) focus on HIV/Aids, but also on the TB problem!

As to my teaching about HIV/Aids in class, I was happily surprised at times about what they DID know, but my students also surprised me in many other ways. They have heard about it, they know it’s spread through blood, ’s and mother to baby, but that’s where their knowledge stops….most of the time. Sharing needles???? Wow! That’s new! Mosquito bites are no problem? Pfeeew, glad you told us Marlies! Safe sex????Oh, eeh, hmmmm…..using a……YES!….. say the word…using a condom! This is where everybody (boys and girls) starts giggling and refuse to say “condom”, but they keep focused and most of themÂ were very interested in what was told, the movie I showed, the game we played and the talks we had. All of them said they had learned a lot! Let’s hope they will remember…

There’s one thing I especially want to mention. The Chinese are very touchy people, girls hold hands and fiddle around with each other, boys hang around each others’ necks or even sit/walk hand in hand, they like to hug and be close to you and each other, without any sexual meaning or so. Talking about HIV/Aids also involves talking about sex, especially taking the western way of living in mind. Our students, no, younger even, high school students (and younger even..)Â have sex, no doubt, and most of them are probably well aware of the fact that one should use a condom when having sex; to prevent HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases. Many students, boys and girls, carry condoms on them, ‘just in case…’. This is where things are totally different here. When asked if it is okay for college students to have sex, everytime the answer was something like ‘it’s not necessary’, ‘we don’t do that’, ‘we are Chinese’, and believe me, they are serious! I also talked to some of my students in private and the answer was the same. Even though some of them have been in a relation for more thanÂ 2 years now, they don’t have sex, for different reasons. This will probably save many of them from getting HIV or any other s.t.d.. What I liked most about it, is that first; they are really honest about it and feel it’s absolutely normal, and second; how wonderful AND refreshing it is to live in a society where not everything is sex related, focused, or oriented! As I said before, they are very physical, but without any sexual thoughts to it. That makes me appreciate and love them even more….without any sexual thought to it!

Â raising awareness downtownÂ candles and bonfire

Â HIV/Aids movie in classÂ human Red Ribbon

Â Doctors and nurses from the Home of Love, a ward for HIV/Aids patients in Xi’an, where part of our collected money will go to. The other part of the money will go to an orphanage for HIV/Aids orphans.

That’s all folks! Hope to see you again soon on my blog…….

The Mr Qin story

Mliesie — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 12:29:09 +0000

A while ago I promised you a story of one of the Chinese buddies, who joined us in Beijing, Mr Qin. He is a middle school teacher and has been working with a VSO-INSETT volunteer (Colin) for quite a while now. He is so enthusiastic about it, that he wants to be a volunteer himself!!! ….

Enjoy the (true) story, written by Colin, about the day of their departure when Mr Qingwas lost and had to catch a train together with Colin. Have fun reading it and do appreciate the cultural differences…

Carole was right. That Monday night could become a potential case study for
VSO. There were some interesting cultural differences which resulted in the
“very exciting evening which was just like a movie”, as Mr Qing described
it.So here goes with what happened…Mr Qin came to watch me swim in the pool after the session on Chinese Middle
schools. On the way we talked about swimming. He said the only time he had
been in the water was when the rowing boat he was in turned over in a
boating lake. He found this great fun even though he got his new birthday
shoes wet… when we got to the pool Mr Qin saw me off into the changing
rooms and said he would go up to the balcony and wait for me . He said I
could swim for as long as I wanted.

During my swim I looked up periodiclly to see if I could see Mr Qin. As I
couldn’t I assumed he went off for a walk which most people would do when
they get bored of watching or not doing much. By the time I got out I had
been in the water for a good 80 minutes or so. I couldn’t see Mr Qing
waiting either.

When he hadn’t turned up to dinner by 6:15 I began to wonder where he had
got to. I was reassured that Adam had also mentioned dinner at 6 and the
chance of a group photo - something he wouldn’t want to pass up on. I went
to 603 to see if he was there… I went to the pool to see if he was still
waiting. Nothing. Time went on and we began to get a little concerned.Had he
got lost? Had he defected?

We set up Mr Qin watch down in the lobby. Everyone ready to pin him to the
ground if he made a move for it. We phoned him but his phone was off. At
7:20 (more than 2 1/2 hours after going into the pool) I went back to check
at the pool again. This was the only place I thought he could have been.
Nothing.

With Tilly and Adam helping me with both Mr Qin’s and my luggage I jumped
into a taxi at about 7:40. I would love to say that we sped off to the West
Station but the traffic was thick. We crawled. Fortunately one hour later we
got to the station. I had 20 minutes to spare. I had to leave through
departure gate number 13 (no joke) which also happened to be the furthest
gate from where the taxis drop you off.

Slightly panicked by the thought of Mr Qin lostÂ in Beijing I lugged all the
bags onto the train and bruised about 20 people in the process. Out of
nowhere jumped Mr Qin saying “let me help you let me help”.

So wht had happened. We sat down and laughed long and loud as we disected
the “exciting evening”.

My assumptions were…
1. Mr Qin had left the pool as I had been there twice
2. He would turn up to dinner especially after Adam said something about a
group photo
3. People have a limited capacity to wait when doing nothing so it seemed
normal for him to wander off - especially as we were friends

For Mr Qin…
1. He had never been to a pool before. He knew that I was excited to go for
a swim especially as there are none in “our Xifeng”. His idea was that I
would want to spend a lot of time in the water. He had no idea that people
don’t usually swim for more than an hour and a half.
2. Although he knew about dinner, he had made a promise to wait. He said
that it was his duty to do so because he said he would.
3. He told me that he was prepared to wait until 21:03 (the time our train
left) because he said I would and that my happiness came first!

It seems that honouring his promise and carrying out his duty was more
important than feeding himself and the joy of a group photo. He told me that
his only thought was to wait. I asked how many other chinese people would
have done the same. He said “Of ten people maybe seven would have waited”.
When he told me this I was reminded of a four hour meeting which should have
taken 40 minutes in the West, where silently the participants sat while I
grew more and more frustrated wondering when the hell it would end. I was
reminded of the hours of classes the school kids sit through quietly and
without moving. Back home they would have rebelled or caused discipline
issues.

So where was he all that time? He was at the pool carrying out his duty.
There were two points where he left his position. Once to spit outside and
the other to go to the loo. We must have just missed each other. The only
reason he left was because he struck up a conversation with the changing
room attendant who told him a big nose, blond haired laowai had left hours
ago.

Mr Qin laughed when I told him that my my taxi ride took 1 hour and cost 50
kuai whereas for him it took 27 minutes and cost 32 kuai because he
explained the whole situation and that foreigner was in “trouble”. He said
“my taxi is like my lessons. I tell the students to do less and they get
better results. your taxi is like other teacher’s lessons ”

Enjoy your experiences and keep in touch.