Published May 13th, 2007 by Mliesie
Tears from my eyes…..
If ever one says that Chinese show no emotions, I wish they could hear some of the things my students tell me or that they could see the tears running from their eyes. Believe me when I say that we are all ‘just’ human beings with human emotions. Although we sometimes act differently, inside we all have a heart that can seriously hurt.
A while ago I had a talk with SC about how his classmates treat him when he loses in one of the games of the PE Department. He claims he is not too good at most of the sports in PE, but it isn’t really necessary because he wants to be a good PE teacher in future and his goal is not to be a gold medal winner in the Olympics. I think that’s the right attitude. He focuses on the theoretical part of his studies and does his utmost best in the PE subjects as well (I’m sure he isn’t as bad as he says…). Anyway, next to all of the hard work for his major PE, he is also quite good at English and studying really hard to pass his CET6 exam. Whenever he loses in one of the PE subjects or doesn’t perform as well as the others, his classmates will scold at him and tell him to go to the English Department and be a major in English because he is soooooo good at English! The look on his face while he told me this almost broke my heart….It really hurts him when his classmates act like that and it feels so unfair to him. When I told him they are probably envious of the fact that he is able to communicate in English and they are not, he didn’t really agree with me. All he said is how bad it feels, when people treat him like that.
Wednesday I had a talk with a student who told me how much she misses her brother who studies in Haikou (Hainan Dou) and whom she hasn’t seen for 2 years now! Simply because there is no money for the journey. She doesn’t dare phone him because she is afraid she will disturb while he is working or studying, but she is desperate to talk to him. Can you imagine not making a phone call to the one you miss so much? Life is strange here, as are the relationships between people. My suggestion was she sends him an e-mail every now and then. It’s not as good as a real chat, but at least there will be some communication between the two of them. She gave me the brightest smile and biggest hug I’ve had in a long time….
Then there is the student who’s grandmother passed away, just this week. She had been ill for a while and we knew it was coming, but it was still unexpected. When I saw the student and hugged her, she burst out in tears and was completely speechless. I was sad when my grandmother died, but I don’t think it hit me as hard as it often does in Chinese society. Family is extremely important; not just brothers, sisters and parents, but also the grandparents. Many children grow up with their grandparents and most of the time the grandparents will live with the family, sharing all that comes with family life. Losing one of them, I think feels like losing a parent. Ofcourse she knew it was best for her grandmother not having to suffer anymore (we all do), unfortunately that doesn’t ease the pain. Seeing her so sad and crying brought tears to my eyes as well (Yep! I’m still the emotional one…). Like I said, it shows we are all human beings with the same feelings.
Quite a while ago I had another student crying. One afternoon I walked into her classroom where she was studying, together with some of her classmates. I had invited of them for dinner and asked ZL as well. As I did, she burts into tears, leaving me and her classmates completely flabbergasted. When I went over to her and asked her what the problem was, she refused to speak or give any explanation nor did she want to come for dinner. So we left with the tree of us. Ofcourse we wondered what was going on; did she have a fight with her boyfriend, was she stressed out for the upcoming exam, was she envious of the other 2 going out for dinner with me? We really didn’t know. In the following days and weeks I have repeatedly asked her what was wrong…..I never got an answer. Last Friday, out of the blue, she sent me a message telling me that she sensed a distance between us (we used to see a lot of each other). How to react to something like that? I have tried my best to keep in touch, told her my door is always open to her and time after time she refused. Now this message…… I am puzzled by this behaviour. Is it a cultural difference? Did she feel she lost face with me when she burst into tears? Was she ashamed to tell what was wrong? I don’t know, but I’ll definitely ask her to come over again and see if we can patch things up. Perhaps one day she will tell me what was wrong.
I could go on for hours about emotions, tears, and how very much alike we are in many ways. I won’t…. It’s interesting to all experience it, however puzzled it may leave me sometimes and however much heartache it may cause.
We’re only human……